Photo by Asad Photo Maldives from Pexels
In February 2022 I decided to join various dating apps for the first time ever. Before this, I had never really dated before. Meaning I’ve never had a romantic partner. Nor have I ever fallen in love. Now there are valid reasons why I’ve put off dating. One of those reasons was having serious insecurities that needed to be worked on.
However, things have changed now. Not only am I in a better state to meet my future bae or baes. But with the way this pandemic has been going, I’ve come to realise life is short. So it’s either now or never.
With that being said, online dating has taught me some important lessons. And in today’s blog post, I’m going to tell you what they are. As these tips may help you.
So with further ado let’s get into it…
Plan That Date ASAP
I feel like the ongoing pandemic has made people tired of talking to others online. And tbh it makes sense! We, humans, are social creatures. We’ve been isolated from our favourite people for too long and crave that in-person connection. And now that restrictions have eased in my country, people are eager to go outside. Not to mention some of us are sexually frustrated because it’s been waaay too long since we’ve had sex.
Therefore I’ve learnt that it’s necessary to set a date ASAP. Or even a phone call/video call if I lack the funds (as going out can be expensive). Because it means I have a better chance of developing a successful relationship.
I’ve had conversations with people I was interested in fizzle out. As neither one of us asked each other out on a date. This honestly sucked because I liked these people. Plus they’re hot. But I’ve learnt my lesson and there’s plenty more fish in the sea.
Asking Important Questions Isn’t That Hard
In all honesty questions such as “What are we?”, “What type of relationship are you looking for?” and even “Have you been tested?” are not hard questions to ask.
Former acquaintances and even certain influencers I used to follow, made out that asking important questions was DIFFICULT to do. But since I started dating, having necessary conversations with potential baes has been easy. And In fact, led to my time not being wasted.
I’m convinced that such people I used to engage with have unhealthy habits to unlearn. Because such questions I mentioned earlier are deal breakers in any romantic or casual relationship. And failing to have these discussions can lead to an unnecessary mess that no one wants.
So, I will continue to ask vital questions when needed because I don’t have the energy for wahala.
I am a Beautiful Woman
As mentioned previously, I put off dating due to having deep insecurities about myself. Especially in terms of my looks. And this makes sense. Because society generally deems people with my physical features as ugly and unworthy of humanity plus respect.
And although colourism, anti-Blackness, texturism and featurism are still ongoing issues. That does influence who we find attractive. I’m now aware that I’m not undesirable to everyone. They’re people out there who recognise my beauty. And have made the first move on the dating apps I’m on.
This has overall boosted my confidence. Because it’s not ONLY up to me to recognise my beauty and self-worth. Other people need to as well. As I don’t only want to have a healthy relationship with myself.
Thank God I Took My Time
I used to feel shame for being a late bloomer; due to my inexperience in relationships at an older age. But since I’ve started dating I feel the complete opposite. I’m actually glad I took my time. Not focusing on dating allowed me to become more emotionally mature. And start my journey in healing past traumas and gaining confidence. I’ve learnt to better communicate with people. As well as the importance of boundaries. Also, I’ve learnt not to be a patriarchal princess. Who would act like a fool and do the absolute most to keep a man 🤮🤢.
Relationships involve real people and real feelings. If I entered one when I was nowhere near ready. Not only would I have caused myself harm, but I would’ve also affected my significant other.
Final Thoughts
Though dating hasn’t been a perfect experience (as I’m dealing with a group of people who have been somewhat traumatised by this ongoing pandemic 🙄). It still has been a fascinating experience. Plus has taught me some valuable lessons, that I will definitely remember in the future while I look for the one or two or three 😜.
Chizoba Itabor 